Stop trying to change the other person …

I was watching Dr. Phil this afternoon and it was all about couples who are driving each other crazy. They argue about every little thing, back and forth and never seem to have a meeting of the minds. I thought that it was going to be an hour full of counceling and deep motivational advice. Instead, it just came down to one simple idea. “Stop trying to change the other person” and “stop taking the fact that they don’t do what you want them to so personal.” He said that in a relationship, you KNOW the person you married and you just have to STOP expecting them to be someone else. Stop blaming dissappointments, regrets, unfinished business or projects or even relationship failures on the other person. Because guess what? It’s not their fault entirely. Everyone has a role in their relationships and for some people that role is to enable their spouse so that they can martyr themselves. It’s a cycle that is set up by both parties and each takes a role in making it function or disfunction.

Now, a look inside my own marriage. I have been married for 22 years this coming January and we are the most peacable couple I know. And I do NOT count couples who say they never argue. That’s either bologna or they SERIOUSLY have no idea how to conduct a relationship. People NEED the space to vent and get upset and to know that there is someone who can hold down the fort while they go mental for a few minutes. If you’ve never argued, then you’ve never let the other person have all of you. I digress …….

Matthew and I have a wonderful marriage because I believe in a few very simple ideas. 1. NEVER hang on to old baggage. It does nothing but take up free rent in your heart and mind. And if you keep it around to use as ammo in an arguement, then you’ve truely never been able to lay it to rest. 2. Accept your spouse for who they are. This is not easy to do sometimes. But you have to TRUELY love them as they are. Bad habits and all. If you like a clean house and they could care less, then guess what …. you married a slob. And guess what else? They married a neat freak. One is not better than the other. They just are. If you can come to an agreement about it then great. If not, then just get past it. You didn’t marry the carpet, or the dishes or the uncut grass. You married a PERSON. I also think that the success of the relationship has a lot to do with whether or not you married the RIGHT person for you. Sometimes people get it wrong and no amount of trying will ever make it better. In this case, just have the guts to get out and try again. 3. ALWAYS find new ways to fall in love. And lastly, realize that we all change from year to year ….. get to know this new person. Their interests, dislikes and favorites. Cultivate your relationship with this new information.

Take responsibility for what’s happening around you within your relationship. If you are unhappy, you are not being victimized by the other person. You are activily CHOOSING this life on a daily basis, so own it or move on.

I am immensely happy in my life and my marriage. It has taken a lot of work from both of us to get to this point and it has been worth every effort. If you are as happy as I am, then I raise my glass to you and say “welcome to the club.” If you are not, then I hold out my hand and say “there’s room for more. Get after it.”

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Our Little Tree-Hugger

There is a property on the next street over that for whatever reason, was allowed to grow up pretty badly with weeds and out of control hedges. When the house became vacant a few weeks ago, the owner decided it was time to clean the place up a bit and hired a contractor to come in and lay waist to everything growing. Well, unfortunately for them, our little Tori was playing at the house next door with her friend and when she saw what they were about to do she freaked out! Apparently, back behind the over-growth was a Peach tree and a cherry tree. She begged and begged and pestered those poor guys until they agreed NOT to cut down the two trees! Lol. She even climbed into the peach tree and brought down some fruit to eat as evidence of the importance of keeping these trees. We drove past the property today to check on it and all of the over-growth is gone and two fruit trees stand proudly in the front yard. All nicely trimmed and looking amazing. 🙂

I am rich beyond measure!

Tori and I sat down to dinner tonight, just the two of us. We had all the things you are not supposed to eat on a regular basis. lol. Hamburgers, fries, coke and warm apple pie. But the best, most wonderful part of the meal, was how she just kept talking and talking and talking. I heard about all the stress points of the day, the highlights, the funny’s and even the mundane. As she was carrying on, I couldn’t help but think how lucky I am to have such moments. And to have a child that WANTS to talk with me and have me laugh with her and cry with her and be mad with her.

My Husbeast as always financially supported our family entirely on his own. I have been able to stay home every single day of our 21 years of marriage. And I have ceased every single one of them. I haven’t let any slip by me. And I am so thankful for the life I have and for the opportunities I have had with our children. It makes me the richest woman in the world

Today’s Forecast: TORI-NADO!

It has been ‘one of those days’ today. I am so lucky that I have seemingly endless patience with Tori because she has put it to the test today. lol She has been at a sleepover for the past two days and so today when she came home, she had some chores to catch up on before being allowed to go anywhere else. Nevermind the fact that children become almost completely blind while cleaning and you are forced to get up every time they think they are done and point out all of the trip hazards and wet bathing suits that are languidly soaking into your hardware floor. It almost seems easiler at that point to do it yourself, but you know that isn’t the answer either. Cleanliness and personal responsibility are important values you are trying to instill but no one ever told you it would cost you some wrinkles and grey hairs to teach them!

Anyway, after two hours on a 30 minute job, Tori is ready to move on to the next part of her day. Lunch. This should have been the easy part, but boy was I wrong. She usually likes to make noodles in the microwave for lunch and today while doing that, she forgets to put the water into the bowl with the noodles. I don’t know if it was the pretty new fingernail polish she was ogling or the fact she was fretting over straightening her hair before her shopping trip to the mall, or maybe her friend distracted her with some juicy gossip. Whatever the case may be, I was happily tooling away rearranging some things in the bathroom when I get a huge wiff of something TERRIBLE. I go into the kitchen and it’s filled with stench and the microwave is vomiting plumes of black smoke. I swear I saw the digital screen flash “JUST KILL ME NOW PLEASE.” I grab the kitchen towel and start chasing the smoke around and throwing open windows and doors while, and I say this with pride, CALMLY asking Tori what the heck happened?? She is of course beside herself with “im sorry Mommy”, one right after the other. lol I tell her how dangerous this is and that it could start a fire and burn the WHOLE house down! Of course I don’t know for certain that that could happen, but I take the opportunity to stick a little fear in there so that maybe this wont happen again.

So, lunch has moved on to chicken nuggets in the toaster oven, and I think I saw it quiver slightly with fear, wondering if it was going to survive or not after seeing what happened to it’s friend, the microwave. But alas, all turns out well and little tummy’s are filled and at least one small appliance lives to see another day. Meanwhile, I am deflated over the fact that my house smells like a forest fire. I worked all day dusting and vacuuming and sweeping and although it looks great, I wouldn’t even invite Smokey The Bear in for tea. Although I think he looks more like a coffee kind of Bear anyway.

Ok, so finally she is ready to go to the Mall with her friend and shop and do whatever girls her age do that seems to entertain them for so long. I think to myself, ok cool … I’m going to drop them off and go get some air fresheners, drown the house in it and then sit back with a cold drink and enjoy a few hours of peace.

But no ……. that is not to be.

Miss Tori calls me after only a short time and asks if she can stay two hours past the time limit I had given her. After several well placed questions by the seasoned Mom that I am, I find this out …. It seems her and friend wanted to see a movie there in the mall and instead of looking at the schedule BEFORE buying the tickets, they just assumed that there would be a movie perfectly timed to their whims. Again, no. The guy at the counter sells them tickets and when they get inside, they realize the movie is already well in session. *sigh* They go back out, tell the ticket taker of their delima and he says “no problem, come back at the 7pm show.” So here is Tori asking me if they can stay another two hours until the show starts, not realizing that the mall closes in an hour. Solution? I have to go get them, bring them home for 40 minutes, take them back for an hour show and then retreive them, hopefully, without further incident. And between all of this back and forth, I had to pick up an order of 4 pizza’s at 5:30 and get them to Harbor Freight by 6pm for their customer appreciation event. I wont even go into the oxygen-tank-yeilding-Mongoloid-Mutants that tried their best to delay me until I shriveled up like an old *pizza bone and turned to dust on the floor.

I digress, anyway .. I agree to take them back to the mall this evening but I have to stop at the store first and get M O R E house deoderizer. The girls didn’t want to come into the store with me, so I went by myself. Upon coming out, my purchases in hand, I sneak up to the car (thank you brand new sneakers) and I see Tori’s arm sticking out of her window. So I grab it. She yells SO loud it echoed over the entire parking lot! I am so satisfied by this, I almost feel guilty. Almost. lol. I am laughing so hard I think I might snort and then I really WOULD die of laughter. She says to me that we are even for all the trouble she has caused today and I think that she just might be right. lol.

So, it is a little after 8pm now and she will be calling for a ride home soon, at which time matthew will be ready to come home as well. I am hoping that the evening will progress slowly now and without further ado. I am truely lucky to have a wonderful life and a heart light enough and free from worry that I am able to laugh and carry on through such rediculousness. 🙂

Life is good. Really good. 🙂

*pizza bone: this is what I call the little curved crust piece on the end of the pizza slice that I do not eat.

Garden of Eat’n .. June

Our garden is doing quite well so far. It’s our first one and it’s been a lot of trial and error but also a lot of fun! It’s very rewarding to see things actually grow; that you planted. The anticipation is fantasic. lol. Here are how some of our plants are doing ….

These are my Mammoth Sunflowers. They are a little more than knee high and growing SO fast! Some reach nearly 20 feet high when at their tallest. I don’t think mine will get that large, but you never know! I want to harvest the sunflower seeds from them when it’s time and cook them up just like the ones you buy in the store. 🙂

Mammoth Sunflowers

This is our Sweet Corn. We thinned out about 14 plants once they got about 6 inches high. They are supposed to be about 12′ apart to really get good growth.

Sweet Corn

And last but not least, we have some lettuce and strawberry plants. We also have cantaloupe, green onions, red onions, bell peppers, carrots and tomatoes.

Lettuce

Strawberry's

Flower Beds

I have been working in my flower beds for the past three days and I’m so happy with them now! I planted 21 Vinca’s and two Daylilys. Hopefully they’ll all grow up nice and beautiful! 🙂

Daylily and Vinca's